Right after my last post, I started dating someone. I find it ironic that, without fail, the moment you start to find your balance and feel like you’re truly getting a grasp on loving yourself, and feeling stronger on your own than you have in a long time, you meet someone. And before long, that balance you have worked so hard to achieve suddenly seems all askew. Not to mention that it can be kind of scary and daunting trying to find a way to maintain that love for yourself at the same time as letting someone else into your life and into your heart.
In my case, I knew the guy for a long time before we decided to give dating each other a try. He's been my good friend for years now and I have always been very fond of him, which led me to believe there might be something more hiding just under the surface of our long-time friendship. Unfortunately, dating for us didn't work out quite the way I believe we had both hoped it would. But thankfully, I think we figured that out soon enough that our friendship will prevail in the end. And as with many other moments in my life lately, I feel there was something positive to take away from my time with him.
As with any relationship, romantic or otherwise, you are given a chance to learn valuable things about yourself through your interactions with the other person. When I started dating this guy, I wasn't really sure going into it what I hoped to find or even what I had to offer on my end. It had been a long time since I had last let someone into my heart and I was fearful of past hurt resurfacing. And sure enough, I did find that a few insecurities reappeared. But nowhere near as drastically as I always thought they would and, if anything, it really helped pinpoint some of the things I still need to work through on my own.
Also, I found I was a lot more ready and able to let someone new into my heart than I realized. Which, to me, means I have truly worked beyond much of my past heartbreak and finally feel I am deserving of something special. A few years back, I don't know if I could have said the same. But over time, I have somehow found a strength in myself that helps me believe that I do have great things to offer someone else. And more importantly, I am much more aware of what it is I hope and deserve to get in return from any person I am involved with.
One more thing I am very happy to discover after this recent attempt at romance is that I now have the ability to look at it and be proud of myself, and thankful to him, for putting ourselves out there and at least giving it a shot. That, in itself, can be a scary step to take and a true leap of faith. In the end, it may not have worked out romantically between us, but I feel absolutely no need to look back with regret or anger or resentment of any kind. Instead, I can view it as something special we shared together and a fond memory that, in time, will hopefully only prove to have strengthened our friendship. I will still allow myself some sadness that it didn't come together the way I hoped. But otherwise, I am ready to continue moving forward with my life and discover more things about myself that I can appreciate and be proud of. And eventually this path of self discovery will undoubtedly lead me to something fantastic.
Random Fact About Me #88: Looking back, I believe I have had three big heartbreaks in my life.
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